Captain Phillips

Attention reader, this is the Reviewer speaking, I have URGENT news.  At this current point in time, we have been entranced by a beautiful story of human endurance, ultimate fear, and tension, which has left us vulnerable to being captured by this epic thrill-ride.  So batten down the hatches, secure all lines, and prepare to be boarded.  Captain Phillips has taking control of my mind and thoroughly blown it with its original gripping story and heart pounding cinematics and emotional acting, and it will do the same to you.

As I'm sure most of you are aware, this film is based on a real-life event.  Captain Richard Phillips is an American freighter captain for the Maersk shipping line, specifically the ship Alabama.  He was on a routine job delivering all sorts of goods to a couple locations in Africa.  During his journey through the Indian Ocean around the horn of Africa, his ship was tracked and boarded by Somali pirates.  Ring a bell?  He was then held hostage for 5 days until the United States Navy in conjunction with the Navy Seals came into the picture to "handle the situation", and boy did they.

We just want to talk.

It's often problematic to have a film whose story is based on reality, especially a real life event which garnered so much international attention.  The problem stems from the inability to properly fill voids within the storyline.  In a fictitious story, the writer has the power to make anything and everything happen, creating a more fluid story arc.  When the film is based on reality, the writer's freedoms are less and often times parts of the story can't always be magical or perfectly suspenseful.  In the case of Captain Phillips, it is very safe to say that this story did not waiver or falter at any point.  Literally, for a film depicting the real life events on that unlucky freighter, it certainly felt as though what we were privy too was way complete, like a Tom Clancy story.

   Uhh...hmm...I guess...I guess I should have done more research.  I am embarrassed.

One thing which helped aide this story to the point of nail biting was the use of "shaky cam".  Now, normally I don't enjoy this "cinematic" technique, I feel it detracts from the image and story telling process.  However, I couldn't imagine this film without it.  From the very beginning to the final scene, we had this unsettling waiver in the picture.  Just a little constant motion from the camera which caused tension even before Phillips set foot on his doomed vessel.  Instilling a constant state of unease from start to finish.  What's more impressive by this, is that even during the scenes with heightened intensities, the camera stayed basically the same.  This allows for more tension and panic.  Since there's no tell-tale sign of what's to come, it also makes every circumstance just as important to the story as the next.

Now, what's a dramatic story without a stellar performance by the lead actor.  In this case that name rhymes with Mom Banks.  You got it reader, Tom Hanks took control of this performance and never let it go.  Literally, he was so good that by the resolution of this travesty, there were more than a few tears in the house, I even heard a few people sobbing.  The tension was so palpable for Captain Phillips (Tom Hanks) and he is so good at his craft (acting) that unless you are a heartless robot,  you're bound to feel empathy for this man and the terrible ordeal he faced.  In the final 5 minutes or so, I practically had to look away from the screen because Hanks was so believable in his abilities that it actually appeared as though he was suffering from real shock.  I know I've said this before, and I'm usually pretty close to being right about it, but I guarantee some form of Academy Award recognition for Hanks and this film.

We just have to make a quick stop in Africa, no problems...right?

Here's a little bit of info for you which I found incredibly surprising.  Cast across from the hugely famous, successful, well known Tom Hanks, was Barkhad Abdi.  What's that you say?  You've never heard of such a person?  Well neither has anybody else, except for this man's friends and family.  Abdi was working as a chauffeur when cast for this role.  He is originally from Somalia, how convenient huh?, and had moved away due to the country's conflict. Since the age of 14, however, he has resided in the United States, where he has actively not pursued acting.  That's right.  This man could truly walk the walk and talk the talk of a Somali native, thus was the perfect addition to this film, and let me tell you, for a man not trying to pursue acting as his career, he sure as hell was phenomenal in Captain Phillips.  The way these two played off each other seemed effortless, that is for two men trying to step into the shoes of other men.

 Look on the bright side, at least your first acting job was a success!

So far since beginning this endeavor into film reviewing, there have been truly only a hand full of films which have left me speechless, to an extent.  Of all of them, I have to say, that Captain Phillips is right up there with the best.  The upper echelon of pure awesomeness.   This film quite possible is one of the hardest films I have ever seen and experienced, yet one of the most solid.  

Final Words: Extra-Large Popcorn 
This film was nothing short of amazing.  It excelled in every facet of film-making and re-wrote the rules of how things should be.  This was the film I looked forward to for months and I'm pleased to tell you I was not let down.  I want to see this one again, and again, and again.  Masterful film!

Until next time, happy viewing!

Review Rating based on popcorn sizes: small, medium, large, extra-large; 

films worth skipping get snore...zzzzz

The Kings of Summer

So a film was brought to my attention recently, one which was nowhere close to being on my radar: The Kings of Summer.  This Official Selection of the 2013 Sundance Film Festival magically appeared at my local RedBox the other weekend and was then recommended to me by our CEO here.  So I [not so] quickly snatched it out of the machine and slapped it into my player at my overly impressive office.  What followed was something which is about as easily explained as...................

This film follows a group of teenage boys during their summer break from school.  This ragtag trio consists of the leader, Joe (Nick Robinson), the muscle/conscience, Patrick (Gabriel Basso), and the eccentric "entertainment", Biaggio (Moises Arias).  For different reasons these three young men decide that it is in their best interests to run away from their families and create a life for themselves in the woods just outside of their hometown.  The "revelation" to escape mainstream life stems from Joe, a typical teenager who makes it his mission to test the boundaries and see how far creating unnecessary "drama" will take him.  This drama revolves around his father, Nick Offerman, and his father's new girlfriend.  Joe makes it his mission to destroy his father's relationship with women and does a good job of ticking his father off.  Add to this some impressionable friends, additional teenage angst, 1 cup of water, wait 5 minutes, and BINGO! you have yourself an instant adventure/coming-of-age tale.

 It's fun for the whole family!

The thing I really enjoyed and hated about this film was the constant sense of carelessness or naivety from the boys.  They stole money, tools and supplies to build a haphazard "fort" type shelter, using stolen slides and porta-potty doors as they saw fit.  This made me uneasy since everything seemed so rushed and unnecessarily dangerous.  These boys didn't have any form of construction training or knowledge, even worse, they had no outdoors training.  They just pushed forward and "figured it out" when they hit a hurdle.  They thought they could wing it in the woods, kill some dinner and hang out.  Instead they relied on Boston Market for food and used their imaginations to convince themselves it was "caught".  They lived in this makeshift fort that looked like it was a shake, rattle and roll away from collapsing on them.  This frustrated me to all end and made me seriously wonder whether I made the right decision in viewing this adventure.  However, there was something freeing about their desire for solitude.  They took things upon themselves to create the life they felt was necessary to them.  They went forth with a vision and acquired it even without the intelligence or means needed to succeed properly; admirable personality traits amongst these boys.  
  

As can be imagined, this lack of knowledge and remote dwelling eventually became a significant problem to our team of misfits.  Hunger, the police (missing children draw a lot of attention), inner-turmoil amongst the guys, lack of funds for food, snakes, insanity, can all easily lead to self-destruction.  This was something which too drove me bananas.  One would think that once this "camp-out" got dangerous, the boys would pull-up shop and return to the world from which they originated.  Right?  Well this was the case for our brawny thinker and our eclectic show man, but not our fearless leader.  DUMB.  One man standing after being abandoned by his peers, left to fend for himself against the wild world?  It's like Home Alone, only less hijinks and paint can attacks.

 AAAGGGHHH!!! What an astute observation.

The Kings of Summer did offer something to 'We the Viewer' which I did not expect to see.  There were numerous imagined situations and sequences.  Things where we witnessed bizarre happenings within the film world, like a ninja battle between Joe and his father.  Day dream type visuals which added a comical/surreal feel to the story.  They were well done and enjoyable. Another thing was that the scenes were visually appealing.  I wanted to run away into these wooded ares myself, because it was so beautiful and picturesque.    The woods where the adolescent compound was located had beautiful views from ridge tops as well as valleys which had wide streams flowing through them.  These natural locations gave this film a very real and shrinking feel, like using California's naturally abundant redwood forests in Star Wars.

I say, there's a Boston Market just up this way. 

Beep-boop-beep!

 

Final Words: Medium Popcorn 

This film had a very Lost Boys feel while also giving you an extremely emotional ride.  Not a roller coaster but more like a ferris wheel.  Don't get me wrong, I am by no means saying this film was magical or fast paced, but it turned out to be pretty decent in the end.  Grown-up themes a plenty in this film, would advise against the young watching this one.

Until next time, happy viewing!

Review Rating based on popcorn sizes: small, medium, large, extra-large; 

films worth skipping get snore...zzzzz

The Bling Ring

OMG your shoes are soooo hot!  No way, your top is the best!  HAHAHAHAHA.  This is my personal hell world.  I don't want to be mean and I honestly have no problem with people who put a huge emphasis on fashion, like my fiance.  I love her for enjoying what she enjoys, but fashion is for her, not me.  I cannot relate to runway shows and fashion magazines and what's hot or not.  Why you ask?  It's simple, fashion has nothing to do with good beer, family, friends, or happiness, it's literally skin deep, and that just does not register on my scale.  Fast-forward to writing the review for The Bling Ring and I find myself faced with a struggle of epic proportion.  Normally words fall out of my head onto the page with ease, but.........uh........well........let's jump right in.

Now I know that I  seemed to have given this film a death warrant without much more than the lack of personal interest, but I assure you I take this writing very seriously and can look beyond the pettiness of labels and into the heart and soul of a film. 

 Not that kind of death warrant, uhhh.

Well for Bling Ring I can safely say that I was intrigued by the fact that this film was based on reality, meaning these things actually happened.  Every scene and circumstance literally left me speechless.  I just could not wrap my head around the fact that these teenagers had the gall to simply walk into someones home, wear their possessions and walk out with some souvenirs.  They acted as though they were entitled to these items, as if they purchased the pants, shoes, purses, etc. themselves. Who does this?  That behavior seemed to be out of left field making me want to know what major malfunction happened to these young people that lead them into thinking this was acceptable.  I mean to hear that someone famous, like Paris Hilton lol, was out of town and your first inclination was to find her address and trespass to steal her stuff?  Psshh please.

 Who wants to party on this?

To top it off, these dumb dumb's would take photos of themselves within the homes of their "victims" and post them online as well as tell their peers about their latest trip to Rachel Bilson's or flash the Louboutin's they swiped out of someones closet.  I'm no expert, but I believe that's about the most insane incriminating behavior.  It would be like filming yourself dealing drugs and then posting it online.  Seems to me that this is pretty damning evidence against you.  

As for the entirety of the story I must admit that this film was not the most entertaining.  Literally everything was about going to so and so's home and stealing stuff; another repetitious film for the books.  I guess a lot of this repeated behavior stemmed from these teenagers sheer boredom and their over-privileged upbringings, but still nothing more ever happened.  You would see them driving someones Porsche and wearing the clothes of their idols and then the cycle would repeat itself.  Talk about a film hugging that one dimensional parameter.  I think this could have made a better 1 hour special on CNN or a 60 minutes segment, but to make this into a feature was not exactly the most understandable thing to do.

What's bizarre is that this film was written and directed by Sophia Coppola, the same person who wrote and directed Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette.  She even won an Oscar for Best Writing, as well as being nominated for Best Director, for Lost in Translation.  Here we have a proven writer/director, one with the right hardware, who put together a film so flat it seems as though it's from a different person all together.  Now I know Sophia Coppola has a niche for creating artsy films with non-typical characters and stories, so I can see why this real-life escapade attracted her, but The Bling Ring seems as though it's a completely different animal all together.

 Why you looking at me?

Another weird aspect to this film, is that the acting is actually pretty good.  Weird you say?  I say yes.  Normally when the acting is good, the film usually earns itself more credit in my review process.  However, with a story so odd and plot so twisted and seemingly unprovoked, this acting seems misplaced and improperly utilized.  The only name and face I recognized in the main group of felons was Emma Watson.  I know it sounds weird to think that Emma hung up her witching garb and donned some stolen duds, but this attraction to non-typecast roles has become a big thing today amongst the youth in Hollywood.  It's like those Disney girls leaving the security of Uncle Walt in search of some spring break festivities.  I know it must be tough being "trapped" in one role or type, but come on!  Not cool.

Final Words: Small Popcorn 
Even though my rant went on and on about the badness that was this film, those few things which I thought were admirable actually swayed my scoring of this just barely into the Popcorn realm.  It's always a gamble making a film about a real life story, and in the case of The Bling Ring, that gamble just paid off.  Wait for this one to grace your cable channels.

Until next time, happy viewing!

Review Rating based on popcorn sizes: small, medium, large, extra-large; 

films worth skipping get snore...zzzzz

This Is The End

So I know that I am a little late to the review party for This Is The End, after all, this film came out months ago, then went away, then came back, and is now available for purchase and rent.  Well, in my defense there have been quite a lot of good films out between then and now, which I know all you loyal readers have read, and my time is valuable...to me, so get off my back!*



*If you were not on my back, then don't worry, we're all good. 


I'm sure by this point most of you are aware this film lives in a realm of reality intermixed with fantasy, like unicorns.

Oh hey, just striking a pose here.

This Is The End stars: James Franco, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, Danny McBride, Jay Baruchel, and a million other people.  All of the actors, both listed above and the million not listed,  played themselves, or at least used their real names and referred to roles they have played in the past i.e. 127 Hours, Pineapple Express.  This created a kind of awkward comfort surrounding the plot; you feel as though you're a fly on the wall of celebrities and then hope it's a bad dream.  One of the issues I found with this real/fake whatever world was that I was constantly questioning what I was seeing, for instance: does Michael Cera really do cocaine at parties and become a giant turd?  The answer: I'm not sure, but it made me have to stop and think about it, and I don't like when my brain "hiccups" during the follow along process; I lose a step and feel pulled out of the story.  Like Mac's spinning wheel of death.

 Um hello?? 

As for the story of this film, it's really easy to say what was happening.  We follow all of these celebrities as they party away at James Franco's new house, until suddenly the world starts shaking and beams of blue light shoot down from the sky and suck select individuals up into the clouds, all the while, the rest of Hollywood is burning and people are going crazy.  For all 'We the Viewer' know the Laker's just won the championship, but really what we are witnessing is the End of Days, Biblically of course.

This must be Shaq's ring.

The story then takes a huge turn; within the Franco home we witness a huge social struggle between the names I listed above.  Each of these 6 dudes finds himself at one point in time faced with some form of animosity towards the others, whether it revolves around food, personal space, venturing outside, being attacked by Emma Watson, blah blah blah.  As this happens, we witness Jay Baruchel (pseudo main character) somehow identify what is happening and slowly spread his beliefs around the house, only to have his words fall upon scrutinous ears.  Well he manages to persuade them one by one, and eventually the film ends, semi-happily.

Now one thing about this film which surprised me a lot was the quality of acting.  I know this sounds weird, after all we are talking about many of the same actors from Pineapple Express.  However, these gentlemen succeeded in conveying true fear, panic, exhaustion, remorse, anguish, etc. etc. etc.  Who knew they were actual actors and not just funny guys?  So, bravo to their versatility!

Don't look surprised guys, that's my job.

The problem I had with this film was that it was super hyped to me from many people.  Needless to say my expectations were very high for this film and apparently I needed to be very high to see where that hype belonged.  The problem with stoner comedies is that, from time to time, a lot of the intended and situational humor revolves around the notion that 'We the Viewer' are ourselves stoned.  So if you were like me, not stoned while watching this, then a lot of the "schtick" was sort of flat.  Don't get me wrong, I loved watching Michael Cera get impaled by a street lamp and dragged down into the worlds abyss and seeing Jonah Hill on fire, but seeing grown men cower in a corner from whatever it was they were cowering from, not necessarily the funniest thing.  Having said this, I feel a lot of these issues were fixed by the world's most bizarre ending.  This my dear reader, I will leave for you to find out.  Popcorn or Snore's Back Alright!



Final Words: Medium Popcorn 

This film got to be a little dry and extremely senseless, yet something kept me wanting to see more.  As can be expected the language, many of the scenes, and quite a lot of the special effects were not suitable for the young, squeamish, weak at heart, Churchy, or anybody with strong morals.  If you were not mentioned, or don't care, go ahead and see this, you may find it more enjoyable, but possibly less.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Until next time, happy viewing!

Review Rating based on popcorn sizes: small, medium, large, extra-large; 

films worth skipping get snore...zzzzz

Don Jon

There's only a few things I care about: good food, good beer, my lady and good films.  Preferably one which seems to have a valid reason for existing; you all know what I mean, something which makes waves in the world, and not just to splash around.  Film is an art form needing purpose and focus, reason and direction, and because of this there are certain rules which need to be followed.  However, I seem to be constantly typing my fingers to the bone over one issue in particular, one which mustn't be broken...EVER!  This my dear friends is the Story, and in the case of Don Jon there were so many holes, it was like watching a colander at work.

 NOOOOO!!! All of our substance has gotten away!

You're welcome for the metaphor.  By this point, I think it is safe to say that this film was not very good.  Surprised?  Me too.  I personally really like Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Writer & Director & Don Jon himself) and I thought that his directing skill was rather decent, yet in the case of Don Jon, I say to thee, avoid it.  Let me help solidify this in your brain.  Have you seen the trailer for this film?  Preferably the extended one?  If you answered yes, then...

YOU'VE SEEN DON JON!

Honestly reader, this film followed that exact same plot point.  I literally wanted to yell, "Ok!  Enough already!  We get it!  You like you family, church, girls, boys, blah, blah, blah, porn!  Lets move forward with something of new found importance, geez."  I mean, this film literally followed the same path from start to finish, and basically made teeny tiny changes.  In other words it was like watching a revolving door, over-and-over.  It wasn't till about the last third where we started to see changes more significant than the upgrade from kissing to dry humping to the big sch'bang.  Repetitious is the best word to describe this film; if the trailer was attached to the ending, we could've had ourselves a 40 minute long film, if even that long.

Now I fully understand that to this point in my review I myself have fallen into the same issue as the storyline to Don Jon.  I feel as though I'm beating a dead horse here people.  It's just that this film really didn't offer much more to 'We the Viewer'.  This was not one of those films where you are constantly blown away by beautiful cinematics or animation, etc.  Instead, this film was one dimensional and flat, and utilized basic camera moves and relied on a poor script and repetitive story to entertain...which it did not.  Normally I prefer the camera style of old, static motionless cameras, minimal moves or transitions, making the film maker tell us a story through acting and dialogue, in the case of this film, I think JGL could have benefited hugely from a little bit more "flash" in his film.  Even the acting was relatively good and believable.

Easily the best character in the entire film was one I feel no one knew was even cast: Julianne Moore.  She plays a very surprising role, one which I will not give away, however, she seemed to have the most substance throughout the film and ultimately allowed for scenes she was in to become less perverted and boring.  She made this film bearable; almost as though she was a Sherpa,

 Come with me if you want to live to see the credits.

guiding my fantastic brain through the mine field which was Don Jon and bringing me safely to the credits with something worth analyzing, and a sense of protection.
 

 When asked about her thoughts on 'Don Jon' "I loved it!"

Final Words: Small Popcorn 

Even though the acting was relatively good, some better than others, and the basic idea of the film was good, and Julianne Moore allowed for something more than just porn, all in all, this film was a bust.  The storyline was too flat and cyclical, bringing nothing to the party that is my critical eye.  Catch this one when it becomes more affordable, like free.  You'll thank me for saving you $12, or whatever movies cost in your neck of the woods.    

Until next time, happy viewing!

Review Rating based on popcorn sizes: small, medium, large, extra-large; 

films worth skipping get snore...zzzzz